☀️ Good morning and welcome back to The Nosebleeds.

🍀 We are very lucky to have a special guest bringing you an in-depth preview for UFC 292.

🔔 Let’s get ready to rumble (I know this is a boxing thing but it was all I could come up with okay).

🥊 UFC 292 Main Event Preview by Enacko

What’s up Nosebleed Sports, I’m Jack from Enacko, a comedy newsletter. Today, I have the opportunity to talk about Mixed Martial Arts. If you saw me, you’d understand the irony of a 5’8” 155-pound (on a good day) kid who’s terrified of confrontation, talking about fighting. But this is a newsletter, and you don’t get that luxury, so get comfortable.

UFC 292 in Denver, Colorado, is one of the most anticipated cards of the year, headlined by “Suga” Sean O’Malley (+210) and “FunkMaster” Aljoman Sterling (-235), one beloved UFC up-and-comer and one hated established champion, dueling it out for the Bantamweight Title.

Sean is coming off a controversial split decision win over former #1 ranked Petr Yan to earn this title shot. O’Malley wasn’t even in the top ten yet when he got the chance to fight Yan, and many were even surprised he looked like he belonged there. His loud personality and endless highlight-reel knockouts propelled him into stardom and a fast track to a title shot. But fast track or not, the guy can fight. He has an online presence that might display a lack of commitment to the sport, and then he hits you with a lightning-quick right cross that sends you into a two-week coma and doesn’t even have the audacity to ground and pound; he just walks away like this is a normal occurrence.

Something interesting about Sean’s dominance early in his career is that we never saw him wrestle or grapple whatsoever before his fight with Yan. He didn’t have to. He just beats the hell out of people with impressive standup knockouts, so nobody knew where he stood with the other side of his game.

Aljo is annoying to watch because of his wacky sprawl defense that got him kneed in the face and his inability to finish people in dangerous spots. But man, he is so good it’s becoming undeniable.

He’s the only person who has submitted Cory Sandhaggen (in the first round, I’ll add), out-grappled the Olympic gold medalist Henry Cejudo, and has the most wins in bantamweight history. I’m worried that this fight is going to give me an anxiety attack in anticipation and end up being an absolute snooze fest with Aljo sitting on Sean’s back for 25 straight minutes. I don’t even hate the guy; he’s been more dominant than people want to admit because of his god-awful performance against Yan (pre-illegal knee to the face that won him the belt). He’s also built like a Greek god, but he is fun to hate so I will be booing at my TV on Saturday night.

Now, for a prediction: I’ll add that I lose $50 every UFC event, but that’s just the price of admission. O’Malley KO/TKO Round 4.

The co-main event is Weili Zhang vs Amanda Lemos for the strawweight title. Zhang Weili might be the scariest individual in the UFC. When she came out for her last fight, my buddy on the couch said, “Is she fighting Usman (the former male 170 champ) next?” She has only fought ranked opponents since 2018, compared to her #5 ranked opponent who has only fought 2 ranked opponents. Lemos is a good striker, but she just doesn’t seem to be on Weili’s level. Zhang Weili is a lovable, terrifying, talented fighter, and I struggle not to root for her.

Women’s fighting is not doing well right now. For a few years there was amazing excitement with Rose Namajunas becoming a star, Amanda Nunes and Shevchenko being challenged for the first time ever, and Meatball Molly landing that spinning elbow. Now all that momentum has basically slowed down to a halt. There are rarely headliners; there is no one star that is a must-watch, and the divisions aren’t deep enough to be exciting 1 through 10. It’s a shame because some of the greatest fights ever have come out of women's fighting, namely Nunes Pena 1 and Holm vs Rousey. Every big women's fight seems high stakes for the UFC to get the fans invested once again.

Oh, and for my prediction, Zhang by so much dominance it shouldn't be allowed to be shown on PPV, but who knows? Crazier things have happened.

Thanks for reading, and if this one gave you a laugh, check out my newsletter.

Jack “watches a lot of UFC, so I'm convinced he could win any street fight” Lavorato

🩸 Blood Drops

• 🎾 21 year old Jannik Sinner wins his first Masters 1000 title at the National Bank Open in Toronto.

• ⛳️ Lucas Glover defeats Patrick Cantlay in a playoff to take home his second consecutive PGA Tour win @ the FedEx St. Jude Championship.

• 🗽 Dalvin Cook will team up with former division rival Aaron Rodgers on the New York Jets as he has signed a one-year, $8.6M deal with the team.

• 🏈 Feed Zeke some clam chowder. The former Dallas Cowboy signed a one-year, $6M contract with the New England Patriots.

• 💰 Neymar Jr. is the latest soccer superstar to head to Saudi Arabia, as he has signed a two-year deal.

🤔 Golf Trivia

Lucas Glover pulled off the rare feat of winning back-to-back tournaments on the PGA Tour.

• Question: who was the last PGA Tour player to win consecutive tournaments?

Answer at the bottom.

📺️ Weekly Watchlist

⚾️ Some enticing interleague matchups in the big leagues this weekend:

• The Orioles are taking on the Padres in a battle of the MLB’s luckiest (Baltimore) and unluckiest (San Diego) teams, according to Baseball Reference.

• The Phillies head north to take on the Blue Jays for a two-game series filled with underperforming superstars that have each team’s fans waiting for some big breakouts.

⚽️ The Women’s World Cup semifinals begin on Tuesday.

• In the first semifinal we have Spain favored over Sweden to advance to the final.

• The host Australians are underdogs in the second semifinal on Wednesday against a strong English team, but it sure seems like they have some magic playing on their home soil.

🫡 See y’all again soon!

📢 Massive shoutout to Jack and the Enacko team for helping us out today! I highly recommend checking out his newsletter, especially if you’re looking for some laughs.

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• Twitter: @enacko1

• Instagram: @enacko.blog

Trivia Answer: Tony Finau went back-to-back at the 3M Open and Rocket Mortgage Classic last summer.

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